Saturday, January 25, 2014

pencil Him in

Several people have started asking complicated questions, or simply asking if we are, in fact, completely out of our minds.  

We've been told that our lives are "so hard already," or "hard enough," or even "too complicated."

We're breaking the "traditional" way of doing things.  Our "timeline" won't plot out to be nice and neat.

Our diet is "so restricting and complicated," our schedule is "so unpredictable," our moves are "so confusing," our sleep situation (or lack thereof) is "exhausting to even think about."  

It's odd, you know, because I don't think my life is that rough.  Yes, we have had rough patches.  Particularly the gestation and extended "fourth trimester" of Buttercup had me wondering, many times, if we could actually survive another day.  I promise you that we would not have survived without many helpers that served us as the Hands of Christ.  But, we're past that now.  Life isn't in "crisis" on the day to day.  

So, to the dear friend who had the guts (and I use that term respectfully, I really was impressed and not at all offended) to ask "What makes you think NOW is the right time?"  My answer was honest, but it was also on the spot.  Now that I've had time to let your question marinate some, here's what I wish I would've said:

I don't.  

I don't think "now" is the right time, because I don't think there is any "right time" other than when God decides to move.  

Yes, I will lose some more sleep, and I am already so sleepy, but I AM NOT WEARY.

I didn't just get some crazy whim that we should adopt and decide to go with it.  I'm telling you, in the truest form of the words, GOD MOVED ME.  I have only experienced this type of closeness with the Lord on one other occasion, coincidentally enough, during childbirth.  

Furthermore, I waited.  I said nothing.  I was afraid to breathe.  I prayed and prayed for a different answer. I actually asked God to make this fire for orphans go away.  THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN, LORD!  I was aimed at helping the homeless.  That was on my radar.  That seemed "manageable."

But here's the thing, being a Christian means being obedient to the Lord, even when...(fill in the blank with ANYTHING).

I think He's completely insane.  COMPLETELY INSANE.  I do not know how I will have the energy, skills, or sanity to parent three young children.  All I know is that He has led us to do just that.  And, as my dearest friend always reminds me, "He doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called."  

I'm not afraid.  I'm not worried.  I'm amused, mind blown, and waiting. I am faithful that God will give me the capacity to manage three young children with love and grace that are an extension of Him.  

God doesn't call me up and say, "Hey there, Momma Snuggs, I've got a big huge crazy plan for you, so when can you pencil me in?"  Nope...doesn't work like that at all.  It's more like, "LOVE ORPHANS.  MOVE NOW.  I. MEAN. IT."  

And I feel just like a toddler, because I've tried to focus really hard on something else and pretend I don't hear Him.  I've tried to run, and even hide.  I've tried lying on the floor kicking and screaming, "GO AWAY!!!" But He doesn't actually care.  He doesn't care if my finances aren't precisely in order.  He doesn't care if my house is a mess, or even in complete transition.  He doesn't care if three car seats are going to be REALLY SNUG across the back seat of Momma Snuggs car.  He doesn't say, " I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. (unless Momma Snuggs is in the middle of relocating.) John 14:18 or "Bring my sons from afar   and my daughters from the ends of the earth (unless Momma Snuggs car will be too crowded.) Isaiah 43:6b. 

I know we look insane.  I know we sound insane.  I know there are lots of people who plan/dream of adoption for years before actually doing it.  I know we are obeying a call, and obedience, in most forms, is insane by modern standards.  I don't know how it will all work out, other than to say that it will be honoring to God, and full of love.

I pray that when I am in the midst of parenting three children, covered in snot, spitup, and finger paint, tired, disorganized, running out of patience, and stopping right in the middle of whatever we are doing to bow our heads and pray for safety for whoever is driving that "weeooh" that we hear the sirens from, that you will look at me with the very same look in your eyes and say, "Oh, I get it now.  I see the love of Christ pouring in to your family.  God is good, CRAZY good."

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