To Don't List

I remember so clearly the moment she looked at me and said, "To-do lists are from the Devil."

That was well over 3 years ago, and I straight up thought she was crazy.  Firstly, who is BOLD enough to actually say something like that across a full table to someone she hardly knows?  Secondly, my multiple simultaneous prioritized to-do lists were serving me quite well, thank you so much for asking.

So, imagine my surprise this week when I realized that I couldn't recall the last time I had made a to-do list.  I mean, I had never made an intentional choice to step away from the practice, so exactly HOW had this happened?

Of course, in typical fashion, I spent plenty of time lost in my own thoughts until I "figured it out."

It's such a strange and funny thing, the way God grows us...especially when compared with what we might expect that to look like.  I've been on quite the journey in the last several years.  It hasn't been "pretty."  It's been painful, scary, challenging, uncomfortable, confusing, and at times down right miserable.  I've clenched my fists as plenty of false God's have been stripped away from my heart, I've learned that the me I thought I knew so well was a lot more "who I'm supposed to be" than who I actually am, and I've been deeply broken by beasts I'll never fully understand.

But all of that

All of that mess

All of that pain

All of that ugliness

It has yielded the most beautiful fruit.

Isn't that so crazy?  I stand truly amazed at the beauty that has come from all of it.  I am in absolute awe of how my sovereign God redeems.

I did not make a choice to step away from busyness, control, and perfectionism and turn to being present, humble, and faithful.  But I did choose to seek the Lord.  I did choose to seek Godly council.  I did choose to practice abiding in Him.  I even chose a mantra, and repeated often to myself, "Just do the next right thing."

I chose to seek the Lord, and He showed up every single day.  He came bearing new mercy for me.  He came showing me an example of gentleness.  He came both when I was waiting, and when I was fleeing.  Sometimes He came slowly in bits that I wrestled with for months to piece together, and sometimes He came all at once as I sobbed in a ball on the floor.

I chose to seek Godly council, and I was led and reminded tenderly.  His manna is only for today.  He won't give you tomorrow's manna until then...If you never get any better than you are right in this minute, you are loved, you are saved, you are enough...Taste and see...It's His breath...The truth is bigger than the lies.

I chose to abide in Him, and He revealed the truth to me.  He is strongest in my weakness.  Every good thing in me is only by His power.  Nothing is my own, but everything given to me as an undeserved gift that I may use it for His glory.  In my failures, I glorify his perfection.

I chose a mantra, and I just did the next right thing.  I did the next right thing when it was the very thing I most wanted not to do.  When we were running late, and my daughter needed me to stop and sit with her in her sadness.  When there were only 3 more math problems, and my son wanted to tickle and laugh instead.  When it was easier to call for obedience, and I made room for understanding.  When it was safer to shut out the pain in my marriage, and I put on my wading boots and trudged through it, holding my husband's hand when I really wanted to hide from him instead.

And somehow, all of those tiny, awkward, uncomfortable stepping stones have led me to a new place.  Honestly, I'm still kind of mind blown by this place, because everything the world's been telling me for three decades says that this is not what progress looks like.  But I taste how sweet it is, and I know that it is good.  Forgetting, and mistaking, and running late mean forgiveness, and grace, and love and those are trades that I'd never take back.

I tried a to-do list this week, and it all came rushing together.  To-do lists are not from God.  He will hold us together even if I fail to do every single one of the things.  If I'm serving him well, my list will never be done, so that's a dumb goal.  Predetermining my priorities for any given day sets me up really well to miss whatever blessings and gifts He has for me.  After all, weaving things in creates a much more beautiful tapestry for my life than crossing them off ever did, anyway.

Tae Kwon NO

A couple of months ago we decided that this would be the last year of our YMCA membership.  It served us well for several years, and we are ready to move on.  However, before doing so in December, we set out to give our children one last opportunity to try anything new they were interested in.  Long story short, there were some time conflicts regarding the availability of a martial arts class, and while I was waiting out a solution, God dropped it in my lap.

I've never had an experience quite like that before.  I knew there was a scheduling issue, I knew something needed to be figured out, but I just didn't feel compelled to FIGURE IT OUT.  I just waited with the feeling that it would just work itself out. It still seems so bizzare to me that God just laid out the answer for me regarding something so small and seemingly insignificant.  I mean, God works in BIG things, I've seen that, I've lived that.  But God also works in the teeny tiny things that, well honestly, I think I often fail to notice.

So, a dear friend who had heard about this issue that I was not figuring out, randomly won a pair of tickets for 2 weeks free at a local martial arts establishment...and she gave them to me.  I was thrilled, but also shocked because it seemed SO CLEAR that this was a God given gift, and like I said, I'm still wrapping my mind around how He cares for me in the details.

I met with the owner, signed up for our 2 weeks free, and explained to the kids that this would be a short term, four class, temporary thing.  We were just trying it out.  If they loved it and decided to stick with it we would do that AFTER soccer, and at a more affordable establishment.

Kids started Tae Kwon Do.  Kids loved Tae Kwon Do.

The teacher/owner is AMAZING, you guys.  She is sweet, firm, and so good at what she does.  Cricket was all in from the trial day, but Buttercup, per usual, took a bit longer to warm up.  Fast forward through a 1 on 1 intro trial and 4 "Tiny Tiger" classes.

They knew tonight would be the last night.  They had both expressed disappointment at multiple times leading up to it.  They ROCKED their class and Buttercup announced that she's going to "keep doing this forever" as we left.  But then we left.  And the questions started.  And the discussion started.  And the tears started.

Like I said, the establishment is great.  The teacher is phenomenal.  I would LOVE for my kids to be able to continue doing this thing they enjoy at this amazing place.  But here's the deal, there's a $499 per child enrollment fee, plus a monthly fee of $199 each.

Let that sink in.

We are a one income family.  My husband is a public servant.

Guess what folks, we CAN NOT AFFORD THAT.

I mean, sure, if we skipped some other things that are highly valued by our family, pinched our pennies extra tight, and dug up another source of overtime we COULD possibly squeak by.

And this was a new first.  I mean, yes, we've had plenty of, "I don't know what they heck you need and I can't fix it," screaming baby/toddler moments.  But this was the first time I could see what they want, what they truly think they need, and even though it is a truly good and harmless thing, I can't provide it.  I just can't.

So, tonight I sat with my babies while they cried.  And I was so, so thankful for the work God has done in my life and my heart.  Because I held them and it felt GOOD to be unable to solve their problem.

For the first time in my life it felt GOOD to show them that I will fail them.  I will fall short.
I want them, in my falling short, to be led to His never failing.  

I told them I was proud of their effort and enthusiasm.
I want them to know that I saw them working hard and loving it, and that it was beautiful to behold.

I told them that I understood their disappointment.  That I, too, was disappointed.
I want them to know that what seems good is not always right.

I told them that their disappointment is okay and even totally reasonable.  I told them that even Momma and Daddy can't, as much as we would like to, give them everything they want or need, even when it seems like it would really be best for them.
I want them to know that people will ALWAYS fail them, sooner or later, in some way.

And while they cried, and insisted they would never feel better, I told them that at some point they would feel less sad, not by their own power, but by the power of GOD, and we asked for Him to bring them comfort.
I want them to know that joy, true joy, is never an earthly thing.  True joy is found in knowing that we are HIS, and that we are REDEEMED.  True joy is knowing one day He will wipe every tear and make all the sad things come untrue.  

I could never have imagined how the things God has been teaching me, the circumstances He's been orchestrating, would come to this.  To this moment when I'm holding my crying babies and truly enjoying my imperfection and inability.  Enjoying the reality that I can't give them what they want BECAUSE it forces them to rely on GOD.  And just bearing with them in the sadness of our fallen world.

Cricket fell asleep thinking of ways he could earn the money to pay for it himself.  Honestly, I'm not sure what we will do IF this crazy possibility becomes a reality.  Because, I'm not sure if working hard for $200 per month of spending money (after the required saving and tithing) and then spending it all on Tae Kwon Do is honoring to God.  Could it be? Maybe.  I don't know.  Right now I feel like it's highly unlikely that we will deem that good stewardship.  If you have all of your needs met and God gives you an extra $200, I'm not sure you're cleared to spend that all on your own desires.  Snuggs and I will have to do some deep soul searching, discussing, and praying if that becomes a possibility.  We would love to foster the work ethic he would need to earn that money, but Jesus' work trumps our work EVERY SINGLE TIME.

We're on to soccer in a couple of weeks, and unless money starts rolling in, by the crazy grace of God, clearly labeled for TKD use, I don't see my children's dreams becoming reality.  So, I suppose I'll start praying for their contentment at a martial arts gym that we CAN afford.

Merciful Manna 3-6 and 3-13-2017 Weekly Review: Egyptians

This is what I started with. It's still quite a struggle for me to break it down to their level in one fell swoop. We talked about this briefly, and then moved on to the fun stuff!

Canopic jars, Egyptian gods, and organ playdough! Such thoughtful and engaging conversation about organ choices then versus what we know now, and concepts of afterlife.

Building a teeny playdough pyramid. They enjoyed trying bases of different sizes, and we had some great talks about 2d shapes working together to make 3d shapes. 

A very unofficial translation of our names into hieroglyphics.  Honestly, I was so impressed by their focus and attention to detail here. 

We also had the privilege of visiting the mummy exhibit at the Indy Children's Museum and checking out plenty of realistic hieroglyphics.  

And really, why even bother homeschooling if you don't get to mummify your sister during Egypt studies?

Merciful Manna 2-27-17 Weekly Review: Mesopotamia and Sumer

We discussed the fertile crescent and the way that the earliest civilizations of Mesopotamia were benefitted by the rivers nearby. We talked about what plants need to grow, how God provides, and how people learned to move water by irrigation to expand their farmable land. We performed an experiment to see what variables affect water flow to plants.

We learned about ancient Sumerians and their cuneiform writing carved into clay tablets.  We tried some playdough cuneiform carving of our own! 

Merciful Manna 2-20-17 Weekly Review: The Flood and The Tower of Babel

We began by reviewing the flood story in the Bible. At the end of the story, we transitioned from God's sign in the sky directly to the science behind rainbows.

We reviewed the colors of the light spectrum and discussed the "easy way," blue and purple versus the "science way," blue, indigo, and violet. The kids drew rainbows.

We also talked about the building of the ark, what Noah used, and what we know about how it looked, and why it floated. I sent the kids to look for 1 item they thought would float, 1 item they thought would sink, and 1 they were uncertain about. We made a chart, filled a bucket, and tested our theories! Then we experimented with containers that could be filled with air and float or filled with water and sink. They were truly surprised that the same container could do both!

After the original art project, they decided they wanted to repeat it with the Spanish color words.  I haven't gotten nearly as far as I'd hoped with teaching them Spanish, but evidently what we have done has stuck! 

We also threw every animal vocabulary card I could find on the floor, matched them in like groups, and wrote their names on the "on board" checklist for the ark! 

 

We finally got enough sunlight to check out the prism!  It was neat to see up close how the red bends less than the purple.  The kids really enjoyed moving the prism around to different sunny spots and trying out different angles of refraction.  We also left the prism sit in one spot for a while and noticed how the light coming through it changed over time.  I drew examples and did my best to explain the similarities between the way the prism functions and the drops of rain that separate the light in the sky into a rainbow.

We reviewed the Tower of Babel story from the Bible.  This may be my favorite lesson yet, because I feel like I could have really easily screwed it up and still gotten a "nice result." Fortunately, I was listening to the Spirit move in my heart, and ended up with both a "nice" and Gospel centered result.  I started by getting out 2 colors of playdough.  I would make a "I" statement as I built a block with pink, and a "Thank you, God" statement as I built a block with orange.  "I cook delicious dinners for my family," versus "Thank you, God for providing us with yummy food to nourish our bodies." After adding several blocks to each tower, I stopped to ask the kids which tower was about me and how good I am, and which was about God's goodness and honoring Him.  Then we smashed the tower that was about me, and likened it to the Tower of Babel story.  Then they each built towers in the "Thank you, God' method.  It was absolutely precious to hear the things they were thankful for, and I was so glad to be able to help them change their "I" sentences to glorify God.

After discussing the way God gave the people different languages, we practiced saying "Hello" in several languages.  Then they each wrote the English version and another version of their choice. 

Merciful Manna 2-13-17 Weekly Review: Creation and The Fall

Having recently realized that I was overdoing it a little in the curriculum department, we've made an intentional decision to scale back and slow down.  To be present, enjoy our work, and have enough space to open our hands to what God would have us do each day.

Week 1: Creation and The Fall

We began by reviewing the story of creation in the Bible. Next we made a list of what happened when. I walked them through all of the, " What could you use to show that God made..." questions. Then they performed their first very loosely scripted play!  They also sang and danced to "Genesis 1:1."

We drew diagrams of the plant life cycle and plant anatomy. Then we played a flower identification matching game. Later we took a field trip to the local florist to see a variety of flowers in person and ask lots of questions.  Buttercup loved purple delphiniums and Cricket loved orange roses.  I didn't get pictures because we were way too involved, but you can see the flowers the kids picked out on the table! In that picture the kids are using playdough to make some representations of what God created. They learned the phrase "ex nihilo" which means out of nothing. We talked about how hard it can be for us to create out of something and how easy it was for God to create out of nothing. 

Next we reviewed the story of The Fall of Man in the Bible. I walked them through a story board summary. We reviewed several artists' renditions of the fall. Then the kids each drew their own representation. 

We also did some Biblically inspired Valentine's cards, wrote letters to our friends, and followed along with the Math U See curriculum that's been working so well for us!